decide

For a very long time I couldn’t trust myself to make choices

about my body, my skin, my hair

in the mirror, the store,

in prayer.

I’ve been hell bent on perfection since I was small,

wanted for death when i lost it all.

Agency is the impossible work,

rebuilding from scratch the fkn worst.

Is conceiving, carrying and birthing new life

worth the fall?

the NLA post mirror install and amidst retiling